


Secrets and Lies

by swanqueenfic13



Series: Little Luthor [8]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, F/F, Heavy Angst, Lena finds out, Lillian Luthor (mentioned) - Freeform, Lois Lane (Mentioned) - Freeform, Lucy Lane (Mentioned) - Freeform, Minor Violence, Random background characters - Freeform, Read and find out..., Secret Identity, Sort of? - Freeform, Threats of Violence, maybe? - Freeform, secret reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-24 01:52:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10731693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swanqueenfic13/pseuds/swanqueenfic13
Summary: When Lena has a press conference after her mother was sentenced, things don't go as planned and secrets are revealed... Can Lena and Kara's relationship survive this test?





	1. Rescued and Revealed

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is a general trigger warning. This story has a pretty important scene in it in which a main character has a gun pointed at her. There's no really graphic depictions of violence, but I did tag that as a warning just in case. Also, while this does get angsty (especially in the second chapter) I am a big fan of a happy (or at least mildly hopeful) ending so... just stick it out a little bit, I guess? Hope you enjoy!

“ _ Lena, oh my god I am so sorry to do this but I can't take Lydia today,” _ Lucy says as soon as Lena picks up the phone. 

“What? Why? I need you!” Lena gasps. All of her other regular babysitters are busy today and Lucy had been her stand-by. This was one of the only times that Lena truly couldn't take Lydia with her. In the past, she had had Lydia sit on her lap during meetings or had Jess hold her. But today, she's not just sitting in a meeting or working in the lab. Today, she's holding a press conference, per her agreement with the news outlets. Lillian had been officially sentenced today for attempting to break Lex out of prison among various other crimes. She agreed to hold this press conference to prevent the press from hounding her and looking for quotes. Lena certainly couldn't bring Lydia with her since the whole point of this process was to keep the press far away from Lydia. 

“ _ My sister surprised me and came into town with my dad because she’s got some work thing- I don’t know, I stopped paying attention when she started talking about her job because I’m sick of hearing about it- and you know he's usually overseas and he's leaving in two days. I would offer to take Lydia with us if it was just my sister but my dad… Lena, my dad was never good with toddlers even when I was a kid and he’s only gotten crankier with age. I don’t want to bring your kid into that. I’m so sorry,”  _ she explains. And Lena can feel that she’s being sincere. She tries not to sound cross when she sighs and runs a hand through her hair.

“It’s not your fault. Thank you for calling. I’ll… I’ll figure something out. I hope you have a nice time with your family,” she says, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose.

_ “Lena, again, I’m really, really sorry. I just-” _

“Lucy, it’s okay. Family has to come first, right? I don’t blame you. Now, I have to let you go so I can call Kara, alright?” Lena smiles to reassure her even though Lucy can’t see her. 

“ _ Right, right. I’ll make it up to you, Lena, I promise!” _

“Make it up to me by having a nice day with your parents. Goodbye, Lucy,” Lena says firmly, still trying to convey a teasing tone. Finally, Lucy bids her goodbye and hangs up. Immediately, she calls Kara.

“ _ Hey, Lee! I’m on my way, my sister is driving me! You’re on speakerphone and Maggie, Jamie and Alex are all in the car with me, is that alright? Jamie wanted to say hi.” _

“ _ Hi Lena!” _ she hears the younger girl call out. Lena smiles.

“Hi Jamie. Hello Alex, Maggie. Listen, Kara we need to make a change of plans for today. I need you to take Lydia and watch her. Lucy cancelled.”

_ “Oh no! Is everything alright?” _ Kara asks.

“Her family surprised her and came into town. Please?” Lena begins to move around her room, finding her outfit.

“ _ But Lena, who’s going to be your moral support in the crowd? I know you don’t want me on the stage, but a friendly face in the crowd will be good for you!” _

“I know, but I care more about keeping Lydia away from all of this.”

“ _ Hey, Lena, what if Maggie and I took her? We were on our way to this interactive art exhibit at the library. We could bring Lydia along, if you guys are okay with that,” _ Alex offers. 

“Y-you’d do that?” Lena asks, hating the way her shaking voice betrays her surprise.

_ “Of course we would!” _ Maggie calls out.

“ _ Yeah! I wanna see Lydia again,” _ Jamie pipes in.

“Um, y-yeah. Okay. If you guys are really okay with that, you can take Lydia with you. I’ll get her ready and when you guys get here, let me know and you can take her,” Lena says.

“ _ Perfect! See you soon, Lee, love you!” _ Kara smiles.

“Love you too,” Lena beams, hanging up. She starts to get herself ready for the press conference. Just then, Lydia came toddling into the room, blanket trailing behind her, stuffed animal tucked into the crook of her elbow, and thumb in her mouth and crawled onto her mother’s lap, burying her head in her neck. Lena smiles at her daughter, internally groaning. Because Lydia only ever acted like this when she was feeling anxious.

“Hi, baby girl, what’s wrong?” Lena coos softly, scratching lightly at her scalp. Lydia whimpers softly.

“You’re gettin’ ready to leabe me,” she says softly. Lena just hugs her tighter.

“Oh, baby, Mommy always comes back, you know that,” she assures her. 

“Wanna go to work wif you,” she mumbles. Lena strokes her hair. 

“Mommy’s not going to normal work today. It's a special event and it's not a good place for kids. But I will come right back to get you as soon as we're done, just like always. Right? Come on, let's go get you dressed. What do you wanna wear today? Maybe your pretty princess dress? Something special like that?” Lena hopes that offering to let Lydia wear her favorite dress up costume will convince her to go. 

“I wanna wear my Superman shirt,” she counters. Lena stands, bringing them both into Lydia's room. 

“With your overalls or the red skirt?” Lena asks, letting Lydia bounce down into the bed. Lydia smiles, standing up to help plan out her outfit. By the time Kara is texting to say they're in the parking garage switching the car seat into Maggie's car, Lydia is dressed in Superman shirt, a red skirt and tights, red converse and a cape. Her hair is in two pigtails and she's finally smiling again, though she's still carrying around her moon plushie and sticking close to Lena. 

“Whoa! It's super Lydia!” Kara gasps when she lets herself into the home. “Look, we kind of match!” Kara grins, pointing to her own blue jeans and royal blue blouse and red blazer. Lydia grinned and launched herself into Kara’s arms for a moment. Alex, Maggie and Jamie follow behind, the adults smiling and sharing looks with each other. Jamie just runs over to hug Lydia. While the two children chat, Lena goes over to give Kara a kiss and thank Alex and Maggie. 

“Thank you so much. I just really can't bring her to this press conference. The whole point of it is to keep her away, but Lucy cancelled last minute and I am just so grateful that you've offered to do this for us,” she says quickly. 

“It’s really no problem,” Maggie assured. “We were going to mention this exhibit to see if the babysitter wanted to take her there anyway. When Jamie was that age, she always loved to splash around with paint and stuff.”

“Still does. She’s just better at it now,” Alex grins, winking. Lena chuckles, glancing at her watch.

“Oh, shoot. I really have to get going soon. So, she can paint, get messy, do whatever so long as it’s washable and won’t do bad things to her skin. Um… She might be a little clingy? Sometimes Lydia has bouts of separation anxiety… She seemed a little upset before you got here but having her special Superman shirt helped,” Lena explains.

“Is she alright?” Kara asks, concern painting her face.

“She just… She gets clingy. Usually when she starts to get sick. She’s probably coming down with a cold, or something. But, um… if she sucks her thumb… it might be better to just let her? I know she’s a little old for it but when, like… When she’s like this, it’s one of the only things that can help her keep calm. She’ll probably- oh God, she’ll want to carry around her Chewie. That’s fine, she just can’t get paint on him so… I don’t know. I’m just rambling at this point. But… If there are any emergencies or if she really starts to be difficult… call Kara and she can come grab her if I’m not done.” Lena’s pacing now, watching Jamie and Lydia in the living room. Lydia is indeed sucking her thumb, Chewie held tight against her chest. She was biting her lip when she felt Alex and Maggie’s hands on her shoulder.

“Hey, it’s totally fine. Normal to be a bit nervous,” Alex says softly.

“And trust me, Jamie was a difficult kid, so I’m not worried about Lydia. Kids get cranky and sad and miss their moms- especially when they’re starting to get sick. If I had a dollar for every time I had to leave Jamie with a sitter for work then got the call that Jamie was throwing a fit… I’d have enough to not have to work and leave her in the first place,” Maggie joked. Lena smiles, leaning forward to hug them quickly.

“Thank you,” she repeats softly into their shoulders. She pulls away when she feels Lydia tugging on her skirt. She looks down to find Lydia holding her arms up to be picked up. Lydia immediately curls into her shoulder, making it much more difficult for Lena to be ready to leave.

“Hi, baby girl,” she says softly, kissing her daughter’s temple. Lydia starts babbling, the words nearly unintelligible around her thumb. “Baby, take your thumb out,” she suggests, pulling her thumb out of her mouth and uncurling her fingers from the fist, kissing the palm of her hand. “Good girl, try again.”

“Mommy, Jamie says we’re goin’ to the art e’zibit at the library! And I get to paint and make a statue and be a real artist! Isn’t it great? I get to go with Maggie and Alex!” she grins. “And Chewie can come too, right?”

“As long as you don’t get him dirty.  _ And _ as long as you paint me a pretty picture to put on the fridge,” Lena beamed, kissing her daughter’s cheek.

“Yeah!”

“Good. Okay, so I’m gonna let you go have fun now, okay? And I’ll come pick you up later when I’m done, alright?” 

“But Mommy,” Lydia whimpers.

“Baby girl, you know Mommy will come get you. And Mama, too, right?” Maggie says gently, starting to take Lydia, shifting her from Lena’s arms to her own. Lydia holds onto her mother for a moment before letting go, switching to curl into Maggie’s neck. Maggie just hugs her tight.

“Mama and Mommy will come get you as soon as they can,” Alex adds, kissing Lydia’s temple. “Are you ready to go be an artist now?” Lydia sniffles, but nods. “Say ‘see you later, moms,’” she continues, waving as Jamie follows their lead and heads out towards the car. 

“Bye Mommy, bye Mama,” she says pitifully, waving over Maggie’s shoulder. As soon as the door shuts, Lena’s smile drops and she sags into Kara’s side as her girlfriend immediately pulls her into a hug. Lena just buries her head in Kara’s shoulder, holding her tight for a moment before pulling back, sniffling slightly but trying determinedly not to cry- she does  _ not _ have time to redo her makeup.

“Okay, let’s get this show on the road,” Lena says, plastering a smile on her face. Kara nods, smiling back and taking Lena’s hand before they set off to the press conference in the park.

 

“Miss Luthor! Miss Luthor!” Lena was overwhelmed by the shouting reporters. She had just finished giving her prepared statement about her mother and her acquisition of Luthorcorp- which she planned to rename L-Corp as soon as the paperwork was through. As soon as Lena opened the floor to questions, everyone in the press section started shouting for her.

“Uh, yes, right there in the blue jacket,” Lena said, pointing to a young woman who vaguely reminded her of Lucy.

“Lois Lane, Daily Planet-” Lena tried to suppress a grimace. It was no secret that the Planet and its reporters hated the Luthor family. “-What are you planning to do with Luthorcorp now that you’ve inherited the company and all its fortunes? Will you continue the path it’s on?” Pens were poised and Lois Lane held out a phone to record Lena’s answer. Lena had to pause a moment to collect her thoughts before catching Kara’s eye in the back of the audience, smiling at her.  _ Just focus on me. Pretend you’re telling me about your plans. I wore red so you could find me easily, _ Kara had told her on their way over. Lena took a deep breath and focused back on Lois Lane, pretending it was just her and Kara, Lydia asleep in the next room.

“The former Luthorcorp will be undergoing major changes. Once I have renamed the company L-Corp, we will be taking it in a new direction. We will shift our focus to creating sustainable forms of energy, making it easier to access for the poorer regions. I can’t give away too many secrets just yet, but I plan to make L-Corp a force for good. Next question?” And so Lena continues to field questions about her mother, about her brother, about her fall from the Luthor family. Lena calls for just one more question before she calls the conference to a close, pointing to a young man from a local magazine.

“Miss Luthor, is it true that you disappeared from the public eye to hide your illegitimate daughter? Is that why you’ve been so reclusive?” Lena inhaled deeply. She certainly hadn’t planned on talking about Lydia but there was no good way to get out of this conversation now.

“I do have a daughter, yes. She is three years old and I have asked for privacy for her sake. I became pregnant shortly after Lex’s terrorist attacks and imprisonment. When I spoke out against him and told her I was pregnant, Lillian gave me two options: I could get rid of the baby and support the family, Lex included, or I could leave and no longer be part of the family. I chose to raise my daughter away from their toxic influence, and that includes exposing her to their legacy through the media. I have spoken on this subject before, but I want to reiterate: please leave my daughter out of this. I will answer any questions you have about my business, about our procedures, about our tech. So long as you go through the proper channels, I will talk to you. But I ask that you not bombard me when I’m with my daughter. She deserves to have as normal of a childhood as I can give her, and I ask for your cooperation in that. Thank you, no more questions.” Lena steps off the stage and behind a line of police officers- there to protect her from her family’s enemies or supporters. She texts Kara to meet her at the car in a few minutes while she finishes things up.

 

“You did so great, babe,” Kara whispers, kissing Lena’s hand once they’re in the privacy of Lena’s car with its tinted windows. She’d do more but Lena is terrified of paparazzi following them and harassing Kara. Lena just settles into the passenger seat, smiling tiredly as Kara starts to drive them to the library.

“Thank you for being there,” Lena yawns. The entire press conference had exhausted her and now she was ready for a nap.

“Of course,” Kara beams. They drive in silence for a while, heading towards the library to get Lydia and take her out for lunch. Lena holds Kara’s hand over the console, squeezing it every so often as she ponders. “What are you thinking about up there?” Kara asks gently, glancing at Lena.

“I don’t know what to do with the Luthor mansion,” she murmurs. Kara just waits, letting Lena gather her thoughts before she continues. “It’s one of the things I’ve inherited, but I don’t… I don’t want it. Yes, I grew up there but… it wasn’t happy. I certainly don’t want to raise Lydia there. It’s too much space for us, anyway. But I don’t want to sell it, either. I want it… I want it to be something… I don’t know, good, I guess? Something different?” Lena just sighs. Kara waits a moment for Lena to continue, speaking when it becomes clear Lena is done.

“Have you considered turning it into a shelter? Like, for battered women or abuse victims or… Or aliens? Or maybe… I don’t know, kids who’ve been kicked out by their families? Like, the homeless LGBT youth?” 

“I… I hadn’t considered that. I thought maybe… a clinic, but it’s not exactly the right place, certainly not the right location. But a shelter… That could be good. Excellent… We can look into that. Thank you, dear,” Lena murmured thoughtfully, still staring out the window.

“Why don’t I let you out here? You can grab Lydia while I park?” Kara offers as it becomes clear that there isn’t an easy parking space nearby. Lena nods, still emotionally exhausted as she kisses Kara’s cheek and hops out of the car, heading into the library. 

 

She finds Lydia in the children’s room. It’s on the bottom floor of the library, below the main floor. There’s a large room with the bookshelves, computers and play area on the ground as well as the room for story time. But the art activities are across the hall in an event room. The room is open and large with several tables scattered around the room. Each has at least one volunteer running an activity with kids crowded around in smocks, building with clay, painting or glueing. Lena smiles, watching Maggie and Jamie laugh as they make a papier-mache balloon in one corner. Lena looks over to find Alex sitting with Lydia as they paint in a corner of the room. 

“Look at my little artist,” Lena says fondly as she comes over. Lydia looks up, beaming. Her hair is a little crooked and there’s a splotch of blue paint on her cheeks, a dab of green on her nose. She’s wearing an oversized flannel shirt covered in paint as a smock and Lena can see Chewie sitting in Alex’s bag on the ground next to them. Alex smiled warmly at her before continuing to work on her sunset painting. 

“Mommy, Mommy, look! I painted us!” And maybe Lena’s just tired and emotionally spent, but the painting makes her want to cry. Lydia smeared green on the ground for the grass, some blue for the sky and a big yellow circle for the sun. But standing in the center of the canvas are stick figures. One is brunette and one is blonde, both are holding a smaller stick figure’s hands. “Look, that’s you and me and Mama. And over here, I’m painting Auntie Alex and Auntie Maggie and Jamie. And over here, I wanna put Miss Susan and Miss Jess and Lucy! It’s our family!” At that, Lena can feel the tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

“It’s beautiful, baby girl,” she whispers, squeezing Lydia’s shoulder. “Why don’t you finish that up with Auntie Alex and I’ll go talk to Aunt Maggie and Jamie, hmm?” She winked at Alex when Lydia beamed and went back to her painting.

“Thank you, again. I really don’t know what I would do without you,” Lena says in greeting when Maggie gets up to chat with her.

“It’s what family does,” Maggie said with a dismissive wave of the hand. But Lena couldn’t dismiss it. She bit her lip before hugging Maggie. Maggie hesitated for a moment, likely surprised by Lena’s initiation of the hug, but quickly recovered and hugged Lena back.

“Hey, I want hugs, too,” Kara teased, coming up behind them. She sandwiched Lena between her and Maggie and Lena had never felt so safe, so comforted, so loved.

 

“Why’s Mama taking so long?” Lydia whined. After a nice lunch out together, Lena had stayed to pay ( _ “I do have more money than I know what to do with now, darling,” she had teased _ ) and take Lydia to the bathroom while Kara went to go get the car. But Lydia was right; they had already been waiting for five minutes.

“I don’t know, Lyd. Let’s go start walking and see if we can find her, hmm?” Lena suggests. “Remember to hold my hand while we walk, okay?” She looks down, waiting until Lydia nods before taking her daughter’s hand and starting on their walk. She goes slow to allow Lydia to keep up and to allow herself to glance around, looking for Kara.

“Hey! Luthor!” Lena immediately pauses, turns to find a man in a dark hoodie and ratty jeans staring at her. He’s short, shorter than her even, and his belly sticks out in the sweatshirt. Underneath the hood she can see the tip of a long, broad nose. He lifts one meaty, shaking arm and then Lena stops, focusing on the gun in his hand. People on the sidewalk screamed when they saw it, scrambling and running away. Without thinking, she steps in front of Lydia, carefully holding her squirming daughter behind her.

“What do you want? You want money? I can give it to you. No harm, no foul, okay? How much do you need?” she asked, trying to keep her voice from shaking. She glances around, silently begging someone to call for help. She can see at least one person calling someone but others seem to be recording this from the safety of their cars, behind corners, inside shops peering out the windows.

“I don’t want any of your blood money, traitor. My boss already gave me enough to keep me going,” he sneers.

“O-okay,” Lena nodded, trying to figure out what to do next. All she knew was that she had to stall, had to wait until someone could get help. She had to keep Lydia behind her, keep her safe. “Okay, if you don’t need my money, what can I get for you? What do you want?”

“What do I want? I wanna see your blood painting the streets,” he growls. Lena can hear her daughter starting to sob. Her hands shake but she has an iron grip on Lydia’s wrists, holding her behind her back, keeping her as safe as she can. Lena can feel her heart beating in her chest, desperately trying to come up with a way out of this but finding none.

“Ok-okay,” Lena sighs, gulping as she feels tears prick at the corner of her eye. “Okay, can we at least let my daughter go? She doesn’t… she doesn’t deserve this. She hasn’t done anything,” she begs.

“No, Mommy! No, no, no,” Lydia sobs, clinging to Lena’s legs.

“Baby girl, shhh,” Lena whispers desperately, her eyes closed tightly for a moment.

“No! Your goddamn bastard kid can die, too. You think I’ll get a bonus for that? I think I might,” he taunts.

“Who hired you?” she asks. She can feel her entire body shaking now.

“Oh no,” the man laughs. “I ain’t telling you that. All I’m gonna tell you is that you should’ve stuck by your family. You should’ve been a champion for the human race instead of whoring around and sticking up for the alien scum,” he sneers. Lena is looking around, whispering pleas for someone-  _ anyone _ \- to save them. Nobody moves.

“Please, please, don’t,” Lena begs. But she’s not begging for her own life. Lena is content to die if it means that he’ll let Lydia go free, go safe. As long as Lena can get Lydia out of the line of fire, everything else will be fine.

“Shut up,” he growls.

“Please, let her go,” Lena pleads.

“I said shut _up_!” he yells, waving the gun around. It happens in slow motion. Lena watches as his finger pulls the trigger, the bullet leaving the chamber and coming towards them. She knows, without a doubt, that it will hit her. Just as she closes her eyes, starts to turn towards Lydia, as the crowd is screaming and she can finally hear the approaching sirens, Lena feels a rush of cool air, a pair of strong arms encircling her. _Is this what it feels like to die? Safe and held tight, whisked away without any pain_? She wonders. There’s screams, but they sound far away. Lena thinks this feeling is nice, dying.

But then it stops. The embrace and the warmth disappear and Lena opens her eyes, expecting to see… She’s not sure what she expects. Maybe Heaven. Maybe Hell. Maybe nothing. But certainly not National City, around the corner from where she’d been standing. People gasp on the street and Lydia is still sobbing. Lena kneels down next to her, checking her daughter for any injuries before hugging her close, quickly running into the nearest storefront and ducking behind the door, her hands shaking as she calls Kara.

“M-m-mommy,” Lydia sobs, gasping for breath.

“Shhh, b-baby, I’m here. I’m h-here,” Lena whimpers, hugging her daughter tight. 

_ “Lena, are you alright? I heard gunshots. Where- where are you?” _ Kara said quickly. Lena just whimpered, biting back a sob.

“I-I-I , Kara, I need y-you,” she whispers, well aware that everyone in this shop is watching her have this breakdown, watching her daughter shake and sob. Some of them had likely been on the street with Lena when the gunman came by. “He sh-shot at me-e and Lydia. P- _ please _ , come find us. We’re in this- this- this b-bookstore?” Lena feels a tap on her shoulder.

“Honey, give me the phone. Let me tell them where you are,” a woman whispers. She’s old with thick, gray curls and a name tag on. Lena’s vision is too blurred with tears to determine what this woman’s name is. She just hands over the phone and pulls Lydia into her lap, squeezing her tight and standing on shaky legs, walking in tight circles and bouncing Lydia in her attempts to calm her. Another employee, a young teenaged boy, comes over and quietly leads them towards the back of the store and into what must be an employee’s break room. The woman follows, smiling sadly as Lydia begins to hyperventilate. Lena is shaking as she paces around the small coffee table.

“Hello there. My name’s Elouise. I run the bookstore on the corner of Sixth and Sycamore Streets. This young lady in here with her cute little daughter seemed a little too upset to coherently tell you where they are. Are you anywhere near here?” she asks. Lena can hear the sound of Kara speaking but it’s too faint to make out the words.

“Great, so you’re close. Okay, I’m gonna give you back to your lady here so you can tell her that yourself,” the woman- Elouise, apparently- says in response. She smiles and hands the phone off to Lena, who has finally collapsed onto the couch, too tired to keep going.

“Kara?” Lena asks, hating the way her voice sounded like Lydia’s after a nightmare: scared, childish, and fragile, as if she was on the verge of breaking. Lena wondered if maybe she was and she just didn’t realize it yet.

“ _ Lena, I’m on my way. I’m turning the corner from Sycamore onto Sixth right now. The police got the guy, it’s all going to be alright. I promise.” _ Lena heard the front door of the store open, a bell tinkling to announce it. Kara’s voice starts to get louder. Elouise opens the door, waving and suddenly, Kara is there. Kara’s arms are around her, feeling strong and certain and safe. For a moment, Lena is reminded of the mbrace, the one she thought was spelling certain death.

“K- _ Kara _ ,” Lena sobbed and in that moment she broke. Her tears turned into sobs and now both she and Lydia were hyperventilating, clinging to Kara’s shirt. Kara was trying to do the difficult job of soothing both Luthor girls. At some point, Lena can feel Lydia’s sobs subside as she clings to Kara, sucking her thumb and already on the verge of sleep, still shaking but no longer crying. Lena, meanwhile, had stopped crying but was now utterly flummoxed.  _ How the hell had she survived? _

 

Shortly after Lena had calmed herself down, Maggie arrived, now wearing an oversized NCPD jacket. She had a uniformed officer in tow to take her statement. In all honesty, Lena didn’t remember much of what happened in the next few hours. She gave her statement ( _ “I just don’t know. One second, he was pulling the trigger not twenty yards from me. The next, I was in front of this store front,” she had told the young officer. _ ) and gotten checked out by EMTs. Kara drove them home and put Lydia to bed while getting Lena into comfy pajamas and sitting her on the couch. While Kara was checking on Lydia, Lena put the TV on to watch the news.

_ “Bystanders captured the entire event on video. And look at this, right here. This is what everyone is calling ‘The Red-Blue-Blur’. We’ll slow it down for you. Over here, we can see the gunman shooting at Miss Luthor. Then, the Red-Blue-Blur swoops her up and takes her off frame. According to witness statements, it deposited her around the corner before quickly returning to trip the gunman, take the gun and then disappear. No one has yet been able to get a clear image of this mysterious figure, but they can say with certainty: it is not the Man of Steel,” _ one of the broadcasters says.

“Lena, you don’t need to watch that,” Kara says quickly, coming into the living room, now changed into her own pair of sweatpants. Lena clings to the remote.

“I want to watch,” she insists softly. Kara looks like she wants to protest, but wisely keeps her mouth shut. The report continues.

_ “Now why is that? Is it just because the Blur didn’t catch the bullets like Superman? Or because he didn’t stay to smile and wave to the cameras?” _ The other broadcaster asked. The first continues.

“ _ No, Stuart. Apparently, analysts have determined that the Blur is smaller than Superman. Some are even speculating that it’s a teenager, or a woman, perhaps. Though it is certainly a different MO than Superman. What do you think? Do you think we have a new superhero?” _

_ “Oh, who says it’s a superhero? The Blur could be working for Lillian Luthor, one of Lex’s experiments gone wrong that was just protecting its master’s family,” _ the second man hypothesized. Lena squirmed uncomfortably.

“Lena, please? Please, change it?” Kara begs. And Lena turns to look at her. She sees the way Kara is shrinking into the opposite side of the couch, tears in her eyes as she plays with the hem of her sleeves, unable to look up and the TV. So, Lena turns it off and crawls over to the other side of the couch to curl up with Kara. Kara holds her tight.

“What do you think of the Blur?” Lena asks softly as she straddles the line between sleeping and waking. It’s taken her filter away and she isn’t sure what kind of answer she’s expecting.

“Uh, what- what do you mean?” Kara stammers, clearing her throat nervously. Whatever answer Lena had been hoping for, it certainly wasn’t something like  _ that _ . She’d been hoping for a gentle reassurance-  _ of course _ the Blur was good, The Blur saved her because they know she’s good, too. Was Kara second-guessing that?

“Just… what do you think… about who they are…  _ what _ they are… why they saved me… I just wanted to talk, Kara. I’m not ready to go to bed, not yet,” Lena admits honestly. She knows if she goes to bed now, she’ll have nightmares. She’ll hear the gunshots, see images of Lydia on the ground, blood pooling around her. She’ll see Kara standing over them, crying. Kara, on the ground, dead because she had gotten too close to Lena.

“I… I think the Blur… had very good reasons for saving you. And maybe they… they just don’t want to reveal them… right now,” Kara says hesitantly. Lena can feel Kara’s hug loosen as she begins to play with her sleeves again. Lena is frustrated.

“Nevermind, Kara. We’ll talk in the morning,” she grumbles. Was it too much to ask for Kara to just… hold her? Reassure her that the Blur was a force for good? That  _ she _ could be a force for good? That her family’s legacy wouldn’t be following her around, putting her and everyone she loves in danger for the rest of their lives? Lena squirms before standing up. “I am tired, I think. I’m going to go see Lydia and then go to sleep. You can stay or go, whichever you feel is best,” Lena says stiffly. Kara stands following her.

“I have to… I want to go talk to Alex. See how she and Maggie and Jamie are doing. Are you… are you sure you’re okay if I go?” Kara says softly. Lena pauses, just outside of Lydia’s bedroom door. 

_ No, I won’t be okay, _ Lena thinks softly, inhaling deeply. “Yes. I’ll be fine. I’m a big girl.” To her credit, Kara does seem conflicted, standing near Lena, wringing her hands before speaking.

“I want to stay, but Alex… I need to talk to her. It’s important.”  _ Aren’t I important? Aren’t Lydia and I important, too? _ The small, pathetic thought comes unbidden and Lena tries to will it away almost as soon as she thinks it. She knows she shouldn’t compare her relationship with Kara to her sister’s but it still stung. She had just gotten  _ shot at _ . Shouldn’t Kara try and stay with her? Shouldn’t she want to stay?

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow, I suppose,” Lena says stiffly, forcing a smile. Finally, Kara seems to pick up on her girlfriend’s tension.

“Are you… Lena, I don’t think you’re really fine with me leaving,” Kara says gently. Lena’s lower lip wobbles and she knows her eyes are filling with tears. The words come out before she can stop them.

“Why is talking to Alex more important than staying with me?” Immediately, Lena wants to curse herself for being so selfish out loud. But she just keeps going, feeling her voice shake but powerless to stop it. “Why… I know she’s your sister and I’m just your girlfriend but… God, Kara, I was  _ shot at. _ While my daughter was there. And the only thing between me being a bloodstain on the pavement and me standing here today… People think it’s evil and it saved me because my family is evil and it expects me to be. And I don’t know how to  _ feel _ about that. And I am… barely holding myself together but… You keep trying to leave and I just want to know… Am I not… am I not important enough for… for you to want to stay?” When she finishes speaking, Lena wraps her arms around her middle, hugging herself and swaying in place slightly. She watches Kara stand for a moment, frozen, before she speaks.

“I’m her.” Lena raises an eyebrow, lip wobbling but still trying to demand an answer, an explanation. “I’m… I’m the Red-Blue-Blur.”


	2. Lost and Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena isn't sure how to feel about this, how to proceed. Kara isn't, either. They both make some mistakes along the way.

“I’m her.” Lena raises an eyebrow, lip wobbling but still trying to demand an answer, an explanation. “I’m… I’m the Red-Blue-Blur.”

“You’re what?” Lena says softly, her voice shaking. 

“I… I’m the Red-Blue-Blur,” she repeats.

“I heard you. I just… I don’t understand.” Lena turns and walks back towards the couch, shaking her head slightly. “Are you- are you like him? Like Superman? Or something different?” Lena can hear Kara fidgeting.

“He’s my cousin. I’m… My name is Kara Zor-El. I’m the last daughter of the noble House of El from the Planet Krypton. My planet was destroyed and I was sent here as a teenager-”

“How are you younger than him? Or do you not age?” Lena focuses on the details, the specifics of Kara’s biology in an attempt to ignore the tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

“No, I do age. Just a little slower than you do. The pod that took me here got knocked off course and I got trapped in the Phantom Zone. It’s this place where time doesn’t pass and everyone is frozen. So I was in stasis for years until something shifted and… and I was brought to Earth. The Danvers took me in and… the rest is history, I guess?” Lena turns back and Kara flinches at the stony look on her face, the tears in her eyes, the way her lower lip wobbled. “Okay. nope, not history. You’re mad. I’m so sorry!”

“I’m not,” Lena says. It’s only half a lie. She’s more hurt than anything else, but she’s sure there’s some anger in there, too.

“Lena, please, don’t be mad. I’ve always been taught to keep it a secret and-”

“Kara, I said I’m not mad,” Lena says sharply. She softens for a moment, feeling the tears start to slide down her cheeks. “I am… a little hurt, though. That you didn’t trust me.”

“I do!” Kara says immediately, coming closer as if to hug Lena but she takes a step back. Kara pauses, reading the message loud and clear and stays put, continuing in her impassioned speech. “I do trust you. I trust you wholeheartedly. Please, please believe me. Ever since I was a kid, it’s been ingrained in me to keep my powers a secret. I was told the world already had a Superman, it didn’t need me, too. I hid my powers and I focused on being Kara Danvers. I don’t use them, Lena. I’ve always been taught that it’s for my own protection and everyone else’s. The people around my cousin, the one who know his secret- they get hurt, Lena. And I just… I wanted to tell you, but then…”

“I get it, really. You have to be careful and nothing is safe about telling a Luthor about your alien heritage. Really, that was just good strategy on your part. I wouldn’t trust me with this either, not with my family history. It’s perfectly understandable,” Lena laughs sarcastically, bitterly. She wipes away the tears with the back of her hand.

“Lena, it wasn’t about-”

“Look me in the eye and tell me it  _ never  _ crossed your mind,” Lena demands, raising her chin defiantly. In this moment, she feels every bit the Luthor her family raised her to be. Kara drops her gaze, mouth opening and closing softly. Lena knows from the way her face pinches up that her eyes are filling with tears when she finally answers, voice dripping with apologies and sadness.

“It was only for a moment, right after we met and-”

“Kara, I’d like you to go.”

“Lena,” Kara says, finally looking up. Lena can see now that Kara’s eyes are watering, seeming to make the stunning blue even brighter.

“I just… I need some time. With this. With all of this. It’s a lot, you have to understand.” Lena’s begging her to understand. Begging her to leave so Lena can have this time to fall apart, to cry, to scream, to rage, to process. As Kara gets to the door, hand on the doorknob, she pauses, turns back to look at Lena, cheeks wet with tears.

“For what it’s worth, I was going to tell you,” she whispers. Lena just turns away, choking out a sob a she hears the soft click of the door closing.

 

“I messed it all up, Alex,” Kara whines. Alex stifled a yawn, still carding fingers through her sister’s hair. Alex had expected Kara to show up last night to discuss her using her powers but she hadn’t expected Kara to show up sobbing about breaking up with Lena because of it. She hadn’t expected to be cradling Kara in the living room under a pile of blankets like when they were kids, Alex shushing her and calming her and rocking her back and forth. Maggie didn’t even say anything. She just kissed Kara’s hair and rubbed her hair before going to the bedroom to give the sisters some privacy. With time (a long time) Kara finally stopped crying and was able to tell Alex exactly what had transpired.

“Maybe not. All she said was she needed some time. She probably just needs to process and think. Plus, she was shot at today and her kid was there. It’s a lot to deal with, Kar.” Kara pulls away, shifting so that she can lean on Alex’s shoulder, draping a blanket over their laps.

“What if she does break up with me? Because I kept it from her?” Kara’s voice is small and sad. Alex knows that this is the most serious relationship Kara has had in a long time- maybe ever- and it’s devastating her that it might be ending. Still, Alex thinks a healthy dose of big sister reality is necessary.

“Honestly, Kara, I think that would be kind of shitty. It’s not her secret, it’s not up to her to decide when you tell her. You tell her when you’re ready and I think she should be understanding of that. I understand needing time, but I don’t think she should hold it against you,” Alex sighs.

“Alex!” Kara protests. “She’s been through a lot. You should’ve seen her face… When she asked me if I’d ever worried… because of her brother… I  _ hesitated _ , Alex. Because I had! When I first met her, when I saw that last name… I worried she was like her brother. And I think that hurt the most. I think… she was hurt that I didn’t trust her.” Alex bites her tongue, nodding.

“Okay. Okay, I get that. I still don’t think she gets to be pissed off or hold it against you, but I get what you’re saying and I get why she’s hurting. So you’re going to give her time to process and time to hurt. And you’re going to let her come to you, alright? When she’s ready to talk, to apologize, to makeup, to breakup, to do  _ whatever _ , you’ll be there, okay?” And Kara’s breath hitches when Alex mentions breaking up but Kara should be prepared for all of the possibilities. 

“O-okay. I can do that,” Kara nods softly. Alex gives her a small, tender half smile before fiddling with the TV to put on some rerun of a grossly inaccurate and highly dramatized medical show that Kara loves before opening her arms.

“Alright, no more talking, no more thinking tonight. Just hugging and watching your medical dramas.” Kara dives into her big sister’s arms eagerly, letting herself settle there and gets sucked into the episode, barely noticing when Maggie pads out softly to sit on Kara’s other side, rubbing her back and playing with her hair. She falls asleep surrounded by their warmth, their comforting touch, their love.

 

Lena wakes with a jolt, a half-strangled scream escaping her throat.

_ Blood staining the sidewalk, the pool getting bigger. How could so much blood come from such a tiny body? Her limbs were angled awkwardly from when she fell, from when the bullet tore into her flesh. Lena had tried to get to her, tried to protect her sweet, perfect daughter from the gunman but it had been like running through quicksand and she was getting nowhere fast. Lydia was crying out for her Mommy, begging her to come save her. Lena woke when Lydia’s eyes lolled back, when her breathing stopped, when she died. _

Without a sound, Lena throws herself out of bed, stumbling wearily through the hallway down to Lydia’s bedroom, trying to quietly open the door. She let out a sob of relief when she saw Lydia, asleep, breathing, alive. She tripped as she went forward and fell to her knees next to the bed. She just went with it, crawling over to Lydia’s head, taking one of her little hands and cupping it in both of Lena’s, kissing each finger. She could see from the way her daughter’s face twitched that she was starting to feel this, getting closer to waking up. Lena reluctantly releases her hand in favor of stroking Lydia’s hair.

“My sweet girl, you’re okay,” Lena cries, more to herself that to comfort Lydia. Shaking, Lena crawls into the bed with Lydia, her daughter immediately repositioning herself, lying on top of her mom, hands grabbing fistfuls of Lena’s shirt.

“You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay. We’re gonna be okay, we’re gonna be okay, we’re gonna be okay,” Lena breathes, eyes shut tight as she tries to assure herself that everything’s fine. Kara may have left, Kara may not trust her because of her brother, she may have fucked everything up with Kara by fighting with her, but as long as Lena had her daughter, they would be okay. It had been just Lena and Lydia for the past few years. Surely they could get back to that.

 

Lydia wakes up a few hours later, thrashing and whimpering, nearly punching her mother in the face. Lena struggled not to fall out of the small bed as she got a grip on Lydia’s tiny flying fists of thunder. She’s whimpering and sobbing and shaking but Lena finally gets a hold on her, stands up and rocks her back and forth, humming in her ear with soft words of reassurance.

“Lydia, you’re okay,” she whispers.

“Want Ma-ama,” the little girl cries. Lena’s heart drops out. How does she tell her daughter that she drove her Mama away? That her own issues and family history has broken up the small family they’ve worked to create?

“I’m so sorry, baby girl. She’s not here right now. I’m here, though. I’m here.”

“No!” Lena’s heart breaks at Lydia’s yelp. Is she not enough for  _ anyone _ ? “Mama- the b-bad man w-w-with the g-g-gun- he got- he got her! I need her!”

“Lyd, no, Kara is fine. The bad man is in jail-”

“I dreamed he h-h-had friends! And they got Mama and you and me and- and- and-”

“Breathe, baby girl,” Lena instructs, practicing their deep breath modelling that Lydia’s therapist had recommended. Slowly, Lydia starts to get herself under control.

“I still n-need Mama,” Lydia hiccups lightly, her thumb slipping into her mouth. Lena just sighs heavily, walking them into her room to grab her phone. As the phone dials Kara, Lena takes a few deep breaths of her own to steady herself.

_ “Lena?” _ Kara says after the fourth ring. She sounds tired, like she’s just woken up. Lena curses slightly, realizing the sun hasn’t even risen yet.

“Hi, Kara. I’m sorry to bother you, but Lydia had a bad dream that the scary man with a gun came back for you with his friends. She’d like to talk to you to make sure you’re okay. Is that alright?” She knows she sounds stiff and a little awkward, but that’s to be expected, right? After the fight (breakup? Lena wasn’t sure what was happening) they’d had, it makes sense that there would be some awkward tension, it would make sense that Lena’s heart hurts hearing the way Kara immediately offers to switch it to a video call so that Lydia can see she’s okay. Her heart hurts because  _ why wasn’t this enough for Kara? Why couldn’t they be worth more to her? Why couldn’t she trust Lena? Did she even love them at all? _ Lena mourned, trying to keep her face neutral while holding the phone so that Lydia could see Kara.

“Mama,” she whimpers around her thumb. Already, her eyes are getting heavy with sleep again.

_ “Hi, baby girl. Mama’s at Auntie Alex’s house right now. Mommy said you had a bad dream?” _ Kara says softly. Lydia nods, whining.

“Scary man from the street got you guys,” she explains.

_ “Oh, my poor sweet girl. I bet that was scary, huh? But you know it’s not real, right? Because the police- like Auntie Maggie, you know she’s a police officer?- they got the bad guy and they put him in jail. So you’re safe, and Mommy’s safe, and I’m safe.” _

“What if he had mean friends?” Lydia whines.

_ “Then Superman will come and save you. But I don’t think he had any friends, Lyd. You’re safe, and I know that nightmare was really scary, but it was just a dream, understand?” _ Lena’s struggling not to cry. Because it doesn’t make sense to her how Kara can be this soft and gentle and caring with her daughter but not trust Lena because of her brother? Lena had thought Kara could look beyond their last name.

“Want you here. Why aren’t you here?” Lydia’s nuzzling into Lena now, clinging to her even as Lena stiffens at the question. 

_ “Uhhh, I had to help Alex with something,” _ she lies nervously.

“When you comin’ back?” Lydia asks around a big yawn. Lena’s eyes widen and Kara inhales sharply.

_ “I-I don’t know, munchkin. But you know that even when I’m not there, I still love you, right? And I still care about you and you’re always in my heart even when we’re not together right?”  _ Lydia nods, now too tired to speak and Lena is barely able to keep the tears at bay. This sounded far too much like a permanent goodbye.

“Okay, say goodnight to Mama, Lyd,” Lena says, clearing her throat.

“Nigh’ nigh’, Mama. Love you,” she yawns.

_ “Love you too, baby girl. Sleep tight.” _ Kara hesitates.  _ “Lena?” _

“Don’t go. Let me just put her down,” Lena whispers. She watches Kara nod before putting the phone down on the bed and heading back to put Lydia to bed. She hesitates going into Lydia’s room before settling her daughter on her own bed; she needed her close even if Lydia slept the rest of the night. As soon as Lydia was comfortable with the blankets tucked around her and her two stuffed animals- Chewy and Moonie- crooked under her arms, thumb in her mouth, Lena grabbed the phone and went out to the living room.

“So, we should… talk. A little bit. About this, you know? I still haven’t… We have to consider Lydia here. This affects her, too,” Lena whispers, looking down at her hands. It’s too difficult to look at Kara right now.

_ “Are we… Are we breaking up?” _ Kara says, trying to hide her sniffles.

“N-no,” Lena stammers. The thought of permanently breaking up with Kara makes her stomach hurt. “No, but I need some time and space. I need… I need to understand why, and to do that, I need some time. But Lydia… She’s not going to understand.”

_ “So what do we tell her? About… me? About the… my powers? Or about the fight and us being… not broken up but also… not quite together?” _ Kara asks, fidgeting on camera.

“I’m not telling her about your powers,” Lena says immediately. Kara visibly deflates. “That’s your secret to tell, not mine. If, when, where and how to tell her is all up to you. I know she’s young and she’s probably not the best person to tell if you’re keeping it a secret. I meant… I’m going to need to tell her something. About why you aren’t around as much. I just… Maybe I’ll tell her… I don’t know. This was a mistake. I’ll… forget I said anything. I’ll call you when I’m… when I’m ready to talk,” Lena trails off nervously. “Bye,” she adds, going to click the end call button. Just before the call beeps and the screen cuts out, she hears Kara faintly whisper  _ “I love you.” _ She stood there for a moment, letting the tears silently fall before crawling in to join Lydia in her bed. Listening to her daughter’s heartbeat, feeling her safe and here and alive, allows her to fall back asleep for a few more hours.

 

“So, sweetheart, Mama and I aren’t really seeing a lot of each other right now. We still love each other, and we love you very much, but Mommy needed some time apart to think,” Lena explains carefully. She had tried to explain their temporary break to the toddler in a way that wouldn’t scare her or confuse her.

“Whatcha gotta think about?” Lydia asks, snuggling closer to her Mommy. She had been very clingy ever since she woke up and Lena knew the regression- the thumbsucking had gotten worse and Lydia had taken to carrying around her old baby blanket, too- was due to their run in with the gunman. 

“Well, baby, Mama and I both said some not-very-nice things. And told some lies. And I just have to… think. About how we can get better,” Lena says slowly, measuring each word.

“M’tay,” Lydia says, nuzzling her head into Lena’s breast. “Will I still see her at school?”

“Yes, sweetheart. You will. Just not at home for… a few days. Alright?”

“Mhmm,” Lydia hummed, wrapping her arms around Lena’s neck and hugging her infinitesimally closer. They stay like that for some time and Lena adjusts to go sit on the couch and turn on the TV. After a while, she decides to broach the other topic that she had meant to bring up with the little girl.

“Lyd, babe?” She feels her daughter nod, craning her neck to peer at her mother. “Do you wanna talk about your bad dreams? Or the scary man?”

“Mmmm, nooo,” Lydia whines, squirming. “No, no, no,” she whimpers.

“Lydia, shhh, it’s okay, Lyd, you’re okay.” Lena rushes to reassure her. Lydia continues to whimper before Lena feels the wetness on her belly. She bites her lip to hold in the frustrated sigh when she realizes Lydia has wet her pants. The last time she did this had been when they were trapped at the school for the thunderstorm and Lydia had been terrified. “Okay, Mommy’s got you. Let’s take a bath to get you nice and clean, okay?” Lydia just whimpers as Lena takes her upstairs and runs a warm bath, murmuring assurances. While she’s in the bath, warm and safe and smelling of lavenders, Lena debates letting her relax with asking her about the dreams again. Lydia makes that choice easier for her.

“I’m sorry I had an accident,” she says softly, still fiddling with her favorite rubber duck. She sniffles softly and Lena wipes away the stray tear.

“You don’t have to apologize for accidents, baby. You didn’t mean to. I’m just sad I scared you so much that you had an accident,” Lena says, swilling the water around in the tub to make waves for the duck. Lydia smiles weakly before looking up at her mother, lower lip wobbling.

“You didn’t make me scared. The bad man did,” she whispers. Lena just pauses, lets Lydia collect her thoughts. “He was… he had his gun, but the wind didn’t save us. And Mama was there, too. And then he shot you and it was  _ so loud _ . And then he got Mama. And then Auntie Alex and Auntie Maggie and cousin Jamie. And I was all alone, Mommy, I was all alone,” Lydia whimpers, her lip trembling fully now. “I was sad because he took my whole family away and the mean man was yelling at you and laughing. And then… And then he got me. But I woke up, and I needed you.” Lena had continued to wash Lydia’s hair, hoping that the soothing motion and the familiar scents would help calm her down.

“I bet that was a really scary dream. You must have been so brave, huh?” Lydia nodded, sniffling. She tipped her head back when Lena brought out the bowl to rinse the soap out. “Listen, I know it’s hard to remember when you’re asleep and scared, but the bad man is gone. The police took him to jail, remember? That wind that saved us- it was a superhero. Like Superman,” Lena smiles, though her heart twinged at the memory of how Kara had said she didn’t trust her, how she couldn’t trust Lena because her brother had tried to kill Kara’s cousin.

“Superboy?” Lydia asks curiously.

“More like… a Supergirl, I think. Right? She moved so much faster than Superman, huh?” Lena grins mischievously, winking at her daughter. Lydia giggles happily and nods. “Well, this superhero saved us and then trapped the bad man. And Auntie Maggie is a police officer and she and her other cops arrested him. He’s in jail right now, and you and I are safe.”

“What if he has friends?” Lydia is trembling now as the water has cooled and Lena pulls her out now that she’s clean and free of any remaining soap. Lydia curled into her mother as soon as she was wrapped in her towel, tucking her head into the crook of her mom’s neck and sucking at her thumb nervously.

“Oh, baby, I hope he doesn’t. But, he seemed to be alone, right? He didn’t have any friends with him. And the police are going to be checking to find out who asked him to hurt us, and they’re going to protect us.”

“M’tay,” Lydia whispers, hugging Lena close. It takes Lena some time to wrangle Lydia out of her arms and into some clothes before picking the little girl up. 

“Are you sleepy?” Lena asks softly as Lydia again curls into her.

“Nuh-uh,” she claims. Lena isn’t sure if she believes her, but she’s always okay with an excuse to cuddle her baby girl. She’s still small, but she knows that as Lydia grows up, the hugs and cuddles will grow less frequent, less intense. It’s all a part of growing up, Lena knows, but she wants to cherish these hugs now while she has them. So, Lena just holds Lydia, sitting on the couch and reading over some paperwork, letting Lydia play with her hair until she gets bored.

 

Lena keeps Lydia home from preschool for a few days. Instead, they bake cookies and read stories. They go to see Lydia’s therapist four times and the police once to formally ID their attacker and complete the police report. Lydia’s been regularly wetting the bed at night when she has nightmares. The therapist suggested some things to help Lydia calm down before bed and Lena starts restricting liquids close to bedtime, putting her in pull-ups just for the night and outfitting the bed with plastic sheets. Lydia hated feeling like a baby but knew that she needed it until she didn’t feel so scared anymore. It helped after their visit to the police station when one of the nice officers told her that the scary man would be in prison for a long, long time.

But eventually, after the therapist’s suggestions and Lydia’s pleas to get back to their regular schedule, Lena promises to take Lydia back to preschool, almost a full week after the incident.

“Okay, baby girl, are you sure you’re okay to go?” Lena asks nervously, checking and double checking Lydia’s bag. She’d packed an extra change of clothes, a plastic bag, and two stuffed animals in case Lydia got scared. 

“Yes, Mommy, I want to go! I miss my friends! And… I miss Mama,” she adds, softer this time. Lena bites her lip. She knew the separation was necessary since it was helping her sort out her feelings but it had been hard for her little one to understand why she never got to see her Mama anymore.

“Oh, my sweet girl,” Lena sighed, pulling her in for a hug. “I know you do, I miss her too.”

“Then why can’t she come over?” Lydia whines petulantly, kicking her feet and tugging away from Lena. She pulls on the sweater Kara had given her ages ago and Lena smiles, but she can feel it wobbling. How did she explain that Lena truly wanted Kara to come back around, but how could she be with someone who didn’t trust her?

“Because, baby. Mommy still has to figure some things out. I need to think about some… important things. Like if Mama and I are right for each other,” she forces out. She doesn’t want to worry Lydia, but she also wants to prepare her for if Lena does decide to make this break more permanent. Lena takes her daughter by the hand and leads her down the stairs and towards the car.

“Will Mama still love me if you aren’t together?” Lena wants to sob at the question. She settles for pausing, pulling her daughter into a tight hug and kissing the top of her head. She squeezes and hugs her until Lydia whimpers, “Mama, too tight!”

“Sorry, love. Mommy just loves you so much. And Mama loves you, too. Even if we aren’t together. You’re an easy little girl to love, hmm?” Lena whispers, pulling away and smiling at her daughter.

“Don’t cry, Mommy,” Lydia says, frowning sternly as she wipes the tears from her cheeks. Lena catches her hand and kisses Lydia’s fingers.

“My sweet little girl,” Lena sighs before putting Lydia in the car seat and smiling at her, setting off towards the preschool, towards Kara.

 

“Lydia!” Kara smiled immediately. She had gone right back to work after their disastrous weekend, Alex thinking that the distraction might help her from going crazy waiting for Lena to call. But, she knew that if Lena brought Lydia for school, she needed to be able to give Lena space. So, for the past few days, she had switched with Katie. She was on playground duty during sign ins and sign outs so that Katie could be at the front desk. Lydia never showed up, not all that week. Kara spent the entire weekend with Alex and Maggie, keeping busy. She resolved to do the same this week, resigned to Lena pulling Lydia from school and disappearing from her life. But then, Lydia ran into the playground and attached herself to Kara’s legs.

“Mama, I missed you,” Lydia giggled, her voice muffled.

“I missed you too, little one,” Kara whispered, leaning down to hug her tighter. She breathed in the scent of Lydia’s soft, sweet baby shampoo. “How have you been? Any more nightmares?” She pulls away when she feels Lydia nodding and squirming.

“Sometimes… And sometimes I have accidents… But Cynthia says it’s okay! And it gets better, and I’m working on it!” Lydia explains, scuffing her feet, cheeks turning pink as she waits for Mama to be disappointed in her.

“That’s right, my little one. It’s okay because you couldn’t help those accidents, not when you’re sleeping. That’s why they call them ‘accidents’. How’s everything else been? Are you seeing Cynthia still? Is she helping? How’s-” Kara cuts herself off. She can’t ask Lydia how her mother is. It’s manipulative and she can’t do that to Lydia; it wouldn’t be right. She revises her question. “How’s everything?” Immediately, Lydia launches into an explanation of her past week and Kara just smiles, careful to keep an eye on everyone else while still listening to Lydia, desperate to hear everything about her baby girl’s life. Because she misses Lena like she misses breathing, but this separation from Lydia was just as bad. Lydia wasn’t hers, not biologically, but she certainly felt like her daughter. Kara just tried to listen and hold her close, pleased that at least she had Lydia here with her, if only just for now.

 

It continues this way for the next two weeks. Sometimes, Lena would have Lucy or one of the other sitters pick Lydia up and bring her to the office. Since Lena’s company had merged with Luthor-Corp (newly renamed L-Corp), it had been a lot of overtime for Lena as she figured out all the logistics, fought with board members and tried to clean up the mess her family had made. Some nights, she’d end up staying so late doing work that Lydia would fall asleep on her lap after takeout for dinner. Lena would go home, get them both ready for bed and then crash, far too exhausted to try and figure out her status with Kara.

Lena had hoped that the longer it went on, the less it would hurt but he opposite is proving to be true. Every day she feels like she misses Kara more, but she can’t figure out how to fix this, how to fix them. Should she just forget everything? Move on and start fresh? Lena isn’t even mad about Kara lying, not really. Sure, at first she was but very quickly Lena realized that it was Kara’s secret to tell when she felt ready. But Lena was a deeply insecure person, she recognized this about herself, and she wasn’t sure if she could handle being in a relationship where Kara didn’t seem to trust her, especially since it’s probably related to Lex more than anything she’d done.

Lena was moping about the house one Saturday, over three weeks since she’d last seen Kara, three weeks since she’d had a gun pointed at her. Lydia was out with one of their babysitters so that Lena could get some more work done. Now that she was in charge of a multibillion dollar international company, the work never seemed to end. But she had put down her paperwork for now, instead intent to figure this whole situation out. 

Could Lena really blame Kara for a moment of worry? A moment of fear when she heard her last name? After all, their relatives had quite the feud; Lena couldn’t really fault Kara for hesitating at first hearing her last name, especially once it was confirmed that they were of the same family. And she really couldn’t believe that their entire relationship was just a lie, couldn’t believe that Kara would love Lena and Lydia the way she clearly did if it was all a lie. But still, there was a niggling little doubt in the back of her mind that maybe, just  _ maybe _ , Lena was really, truly unlovable and this was a lie.

“Lena, open up,” the voice called, banging at her front door. Lena was startled from her reverie, jumping off the couch. Her body thrummed with adrenaline as she reached for her taser- a newly acquired self-defense mechanism in case anyone else came after her- and went to look through the peephole.

“Who is it?” she calls, seeing only a dark jacket through the distorted image. Immediately, the person glances up into the peephole, smiling. Lena sighs with relief when she sees it’s just Maggie toting pizza and beer. Lena lets the door swing open, ushering Maggie in before closing and locking the door behind them.

“Thought you might need something to eat. Kara says you forget to eat when you’re stressed,” Maggie says carefully, dropping the food on the table.

“And the beer?” Lena asks with a wry smile.

“It’s 5’oclock somewhere,” Maggie winks. Lena nods, laughing and accepting the drink. They sit at the table, munching softly. The only sounds are the clinking of their bottles and the chewing of food. After a while, Maggie leans back, and sighs.

“So, spill it, little Luthor. What’s going on with you? All I know is you were shot at recently and haven’t been seeing Kara and she seems to be suffering. I’d imagine you are too, right?” Lena nods gently, unable to answer verbally. She bites her lip and feels her eyes welling up. “C’mon, kid. You’ve gotta be talking to someone about all of this,” Maggie says, softer still. Her eyes seem to sparkle, get softer and radiate love. Her head tilted slightly to the side and everything about her screamed ‘ _ I’m here. Just talk to me.’ _ So Lena did.

She talked for what felt like hours. She spilled every little thing, everything she’d been agonizing over, moving to the couch for comfort when it became clear that this would take a while. She ranted about her mother and the mess of a company she left behind and the struggle of hiding from the media and trying to keep Lydia innocent. She talked about the stress of Lydia regressing slightly due to the fear of that situation. And she talked about Kara. About learning Kara’s secret. About feeling betrayed, untrustworthy, unlovable. She laid out her internal debate with asking Kara to take her back. Lena laid it all out on the table for Maggie, with the detective nodding back and responding in all the right places, one hand on Lena’s knee, squeezing her hand supportively.

And then, when she was done, Lena curled into Maggie’s side and leaned against her shoulder, sniffling softly.

“Do you want my advice, kid?” Maggie asks after a while. Clarifying, she adds, “About the Kara situation?” Lena nods. “I think you should tell her all of this. I don’t want to butt in on your relationship, but I know she loves you. And yeah, she may have hesitated when she first met you, but Kara works past her prejudices. That’s one of the first things I learned about her. She spent her entire life on Krypton trying to live up to family expectations and then on Earth, she had to compare herself to Superman. She’s well aware that who we are is not who our family is. She’s not perfect- none of us are- so yeah, she may have had an immediate reaction that was less than stellar, but she wouldn’t have asked you out if she wasn’t determined to get to know you for you. And she certainly wouldn’t have loved you if she didn’t trust you or separate you from your family’s legacy.” 

“Yeah?” Lena sniffles.

“Without a doubt. Plus, I can see it’s hurting you to be apart from her and I know it’s hurting her. Just talk to her. There’s only so much you can figure out on your own, Luthor.” And it’s the way Maggie says her last name, like it’s a joke, softly and sweetly, smiling at her. She nudges Lena’s shoulder and for once, the Luthor name doesn’t feel like a burden, doesn’t feel like a heavy weight on her shoulders. It just feels like a name. 

“Thanks, Sawyer,” Lena exhales.

“Baby Luthor, for what it’s worth-” Lena raises an eyebrow at the new nickname but smiles just the same “-she’s been talking to Alex for  _ months _ about how to tell you. Alex was the one dragging her feet because it’s such a big secret.” Lena sits with this information for a moment. Kara  _ wanted _ to tell her. Kara  _ trusted _ her. Kara  _ loved _ her. 

Lena just smiles, leans into Maggie and relaxes with this new information. While sitting in comfortable silence, Lena texts the babysitter, asking her if she could take care of Lydia for a few hours longer, getting her dinner and putting her to bed. Lena had some things to do. 

_ Hey Kara, _ she types out. She can feel Maggie smirking as she types, not even trying to hide her phone or who she’s texting.  _ Would you be willing to meet with me? We have some things to discuss. _

 

“Thank you for agreeing to meet me, Kara,” Lena says softly. She had driven herself over to Kara’s apartment, changing into leggings and an oversized sweater, only to find Kara in a similar outfit, wearing leggings and Lena’s old college sweatshirt. They had settled in the living room, Kara folded into the armchair with Lena facing her on the couch, pillow settled on her stomach. Kara just hums and nods. “I know… This hasn’t been easy. And I thank you for giving me the time to… think, to process… But I realized that the whole… I couldn’t process it all without… not without you.” Kara nods, biting at her bottom lip, fiddling with the frayed edges of Lena’s sweatshirt.

“So… How are you… processing? Where… What are you thinking?” Kara can’t seem to hold Lena’s gaze.

“Well, I’m not mad. I might have been, at first. But then I realized… It wasn’t my secret. It wasn’t my right to decide when you told me. It’s like… when I came out to my best friend in college, I was terrified that she would be mad at me because… I waited so long to tell her, you know? But she just hugged me… and she said it was okay. Because I told her when I was ready and it’s completely up to me when I tell people if I tell people at all. So I realized… This is the same thing. Except instead of coming out about being gay, you came out to me about being…  _ super _ ,” Lena explains. Kara nodding and humming.

“I’m glad… you’re not mad. I’m not sure… I wouldn’t know what to do if you were mad at me about this,” Kara nods. “I just… It’s such a huge part of my life, and it’s so important and… I wanted you to know. So… I’m glad you do, now.” Kara nods slightly, biting her lower lip. Lena watches Kara reaching for a pillow and tucking it into her belly, squeezing it tight and scratching gentle patterns in it.

“Well, I’m not mad. I am still… A little hurt. And part of that is me, and I’m working on it. Because it’s not fair for me to be so… upset when it’s your secret to tell and-”

“Your feelings are valid, Lena. Even if I don’t like them, even if you don’t completely understand them, your feelings are valid and you’re allowed to feel them, no matter what,” Kara interrupts. Lena nods. Good  _ God _ she missed Kara’s steadfast faith in her, her determination to make Lena feel safe and validated. How could she ever have doubted this woman’s love for her?

“Right, but I just… I was afraid that you didn’t trust me, that you didn’t love me-”

“But I do! So much!”

“I know, babe, I know. Let me finish, please?” Kara nods and Lena takes a deep breath, steeling herself. “So, I’ve been thinking and… I want to apologize for reacting so poorly. And I want to thank you for saving me, because I realized I never did that. But I am  _ so _ grateful. I… In that moment, all I wanted was for someone to save Lydia. And it means a lot to me that you risked so much, that you outed yourself despite the consequences, to save us. I just… I can never thank you enough. And I love you so much.” Lena’s voice got shaky as she started to cry and Kara immediately launched herself off of the armchair and onto the couch next to Lena. She wrapped one arm around her shoulders and held her hand with the other, leaning in to kiss her forehead, holding her tight.

“I would do it again in a heartbeat, Lena. I will always be here for you. And I will always protect you. And… And… At risk of sounding like a cheesy Whitney Houston song, I will  _ always _ love you. And I love you still, even if you decide you don’t want to be with me- if you  _ can’t _ be with me,” Kara says softly. Lena pulled away, looking incredulously at Kara, tears still streaming down her cheeks. She laughs once.

“What part of that whole speech made you think I  _ don’t _ want to be with you?” she smiles, sniffling. “And we still have some issues to work on, but I want to try. I… You’re worth it. You’re more than worth the effort.” Lena shifts, crawls over to sit on Kara's lap and hug her, arms around her neck and leaning her full weight against her. Kara sighs heavily and squeezes Lena back. 

“I missed this,” Kara says softly. 

“I missed it, too.” And Lena knows they still have a lot to talk about. They have to talk about Kara, and her powers and how they can make it all work. They have to talk about what to tell Lydia and how they should fit into each other's lives. They have a lot to talk about but for now, all they need is to hold each other, to feel each other, skin to skin. When Lena pulls back, she kisses Kara's forehead, her chin, each cheek, her nose. She can taste the salt of her tears. Kara's eyes have closed and her lips are parted just so. Her eyes fluttered open and Lena smiles softly at her. 

“Please?” Kara whispers. 

And oh, how could Lena ever deny this girl with her soft blue eyes and her puppy dog smile and her soft pink lips?

So she kisses Kara for the first time in almost three weeks and for the first time in almost three weeks, she feels like she's home, like she's safe. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta da!! See, I don't leave you twisting for long, and I am a sucker for a good reconciliation. Next fic might be about them trying to figure out how to move on from this and focusing more on Lydia in the aftermath of all of this. Things aren't over for them, not by a longshot. As always, thanks for reading!! if you liked, please drop a comment because they fuel me to keep writing (and smiling).

**Author's Note:**

> DUN DUN DUN...
> 
> (Also, I took the "red blue blur" from the show Smallville- if any of you have a link to watch that show for free online, hit a girl up because I can't find it)
> 
> You know the drill guys. I thrive on your feedback and validation. Leave a comment, leave a kudos. Come back for the second chapter soon! (but beware the second chapter is where the heavy angst is... but it's also where the happy ending is so... there's that)


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